Let’s imagine for a minute a dozen things that would be neat to find under the Christmas tree if you’re a Miami Dolphins’ fan.
• We’ll start with my favorite: Wrapped in a golden box near the front of the tree you’ll find the first and second round picks of the Houston Texans. Sorry, though, no touching this merchandise. This already belongs to the Dolphins.
• A certificate co-signed by owner Stephen Ross and Head Coach Brian Flores that assures Flores will remain the head coach of the Dolphins for at least the next decade. That beats a new quilt for comfort any day.
• A roadmap to the future of quarterback Tua Tagovailoa. In case you haven’t noticed that road is heading straight up.
• A complete guide explaining the nuances of every blitz package in the Dolphins amoeba defense. Please be advised that you may not be able to grasp it all. Just ask San Diego quarterback Justin Herbert about that.
• A signed copy of the Xavien Howard bestseller: “You throw it, I’ll catch it.” OK, there’s no such book, but the title sure works for me.
• A video of Jakeem Grant’s fastest 40 time. Won’t keep your attention for very long.
• A magic ladder once belonging to tight end Mike Gesicki. Make it all the way to the top and there’s no pass you can’t catch, something we’ve already seen several times this season.
• A Ryan Fitzpatrick beard trimming set. Hardly ever been used.
• A slow-motion video of Jerome Baker sacking Patrick Mahomes for a 30-yard loss a few weeks ago. Can’t watch that play enough.
• A one-on-one dinner with Jason Sanders. Of course, just for kicks.
• A framed picture of Patriots coach Bill Belichick sitting at home watching the NFL playoffs begin. This is a keeper, a rare photo that hasn’t been seen since 2008 when the Patriots last missed the playoffs. Rewarding to know the Dolphins had something to do with it.
• And finally, you’ll find a little envelope that says on the front: Don’t open until late in the night of Dec. 26th. Inside you’ll find a card that simply says: Dolphins 27, Raiders 17.
Merry Christmas, Dol-fans. May what’s under your tree bring nothing but happiness and smiles to you and your entire family.